Killing It (How I spent my summer vacation):Part 1
by Alan Smithee
Summary: Every so often, a fanfic writer (usually Alan Smithee) comes forth with something completely different and amazing. This isn't one of those times, because I tried to do part one of a Seifer/Rinoa
1. Default Chapter Title

"Killing It (How I spent my Summer Vacation.)"  
  
Some of these characters/situations/other stuff may be the copyright of SquareSoft. This isn't as needed as a warning, but the writer doesn't want to get sued by The Man.   
If you have any criticism on this work, send it to ReLect0@aol.com. If you feel the need to flame this work, I got two words for you, SUCK IT!   
Anything else? Oh, yeah. Don't do drugs. Unless it is for good reasons.Ah, screw that, Smoke crack and worship Satan.   
  
School was finally released. The people at Balamb Garden who had a home to go back to stormed back to their dorms, grabbed their bags, and headed out. While the people were leaving, a few people had to stay there.  
"I can't believe it, another summer spent here at Garden? This blows!" Seifer lamented.  
"Whatever. Does it really matter wherever we end up? Nothing will happen anyways..." Squall replied.  
"You guys are crazy! I mean, I just got my instructor license, I need to train for next year!" Quistis said.  
"You do realize how much of a nerd you are by that statement, right?" Seifer asked.  
"...Whatever." Quistis replied.  
"Hey, that's my line!" Squall whined.  
"Don't worry. You can still use it. Besides, I guess that I didn't tell you two about that little...extra...that comes from being an instructor, did I?" Quistis said.  
"What would that be? Better parking space for your non-existent car? Pre-packaged flunky students to cater to your every sick whim? What?" Seifer asked.  
"Instructors get automatic SeeD class 'A'. I took the first of my checks from this one and rented out a place in Balamb for us. We're going to get a place to stay until September that doesn't double as our school!"  
"Quistis, have my children. Please?" Squall asked.  
"Hey, I'm your Instructor now. The proper way would be, 'Have my children, Ms.Trepe?'"  
  
The three took their stuff and headed out on the road to Balamb.   
"Why do we have to hitchhike?" Seifer asked.  
"Well, you two will need the training in carrying large amounts of dead weight. It'll help when you're SeeDs,"Quistis replied.  
"What, we're going to have to bring you along during our battles?" Seifer replied.   
"NO, but you may be caught without a Phoenix and need to drag your comrades around with you. This will be necessary..." As Quistis tried to explain this, a car stopped in front of them.   
"Do you need a ride? We can take you as far as Balamb..." the woman said.  
"Perfect, that's where we're going..." Squall replied.  
"Excellent. If you're going, we've got to be quick. We need to meet up with some people renting out the top floor of our house for the summer..."   
"Cool! We're heading over to see the house Quist picked out for us..." Seifer added.  
"Quistis Trepe?" the woman asked.  
"The same. How come?"  
"She's renting. Name's Dincht. I'm your landlady." The two guys called out to Quistis. "Come on! The landlady's giving us a ride!"  
"And ruin your training? Do you think that in the heat of battle, a woman will pull up in her car and give you a ride home?" Quistis asked.  
"Yes, but this isn't battle. Let's ride!" Squall and Seifer piled into the backseat and headed towards their temporary home.  
"Just like those guys....HEY! WAIT UP!" Quistis ran vainly to catch up.  
  
Eventually, they all got to their new residence.  
"So, what did Quistis and you agree on for the pay? Squall asked.  
"You know. 3 months of renting the top out for 5000 gil." Mrs. Dincht replied.  
"That's hugely cheaper than the Hotel. How come?" Seifer asked.  
"Oh, we made an extra arrangement. Basically, my son Zell spends most of his time eating and watching the idiot box at home, so I added in the fact that basically, if you go somewhere, he goes the same place."  
"Won't that drain all of the money?" Squall asked.  
"Lord no. Only trains that run in Balamb are from the "FLAT-RATE" company. 3000 gil to the mainlands, whether it's one or one million people.  
"*huff* *puff* Why did you do that?" Quistis asked.  
"Honestly, you should learn some rules. For instance, Never take candy from strangers- unless they offer you a ride first..." Seifer replied.  
"Okay. We'll just head up to our rooms."  
"Hold up. I'll get your 'bell-boy.' ZELL! GET YOUR BUTT DOWN HERE! YOU'VE GOT FRIENDS!" In an instant, Zell bounded down the stairs.  
  
"Oh, hi. Why aren't you at Garden?" Zell asked.  
"Renting out the top."Seifer replied.  
"Cool. Do you have the money for it?"  
"Zell, meet our close friend Quistis Trepe: Instructor, SeeD, our Sugar Daddy." Squall replied.  
"Charmed."   
"Thank you. Now, what's your plans for things to do in this one-horse town?" Quistis asked.  
"Well, nothing much. Let's check for things..."   
  
The four headed up to the rented room. Zell put on his favorite radio station and they scoured the papers. However, Balamb really didn't have too much to do, so they were screwed. Suddenly, the radio came on.  
"FRIDAY-FRIDAY-FRIDAY! 95.5 WGAG PRESENTS THE FIRST OF ITS FREE CONCERTS, FEATURING GRANDPA BECOMES A FUNGUS! With special guests SEVERED HEAD IN A BAG! LIVE at the Galbadia Garden! Completely, utterly, FREE!"  
"What? Who are those bands?" Quistis asked.  
"Let me guess. You're one of those prim-and-proper types who is so limp that she thinks that Julia Heartilly is hardcore, aren't you?" Zell asked.  
"Well, that's a little bit of a stretch, but..." Quistis looked nervous.  
"Okay. Let's head over to the concert!" Zell said.  
"AWESOME!" Squall and Seifer rushed out.  
"You guys go. I'll just...rest." Quistis relaxed, pulled out her limited-edition Esthar import of "Eyes on Me", and began to vegetate.  
  
Squall and Seifer proceeded to wait until Zell got some money from his mother.  
"Did you get our thirds from Quistis?" Seifer asked.  
"Of course." Squall pulled out 2000 gil.  
"Excellent." Zell rushed out.  
"How much did you get?" Seifer asked.  
"I only got 1000 gil. Didn't think we'd need to eat or anything..." Zell replied.  
"Let me guess. You couldn't ask your mom for money? HAHAHAHA! CHICKEN-WUSS!" Seifer yelled out.  
"Yeah, right! Besides, where's your money?" Zell asked.  
"I don't need money. I stole Quistis's SeeD card. First class upgrade!" Seifer replied, showing the ill-gotten card.  
"Are you sure that's a good idea, man?" Squall asked.  
"Of course. Why not?"   
"Well, isn't SeeD impersonation grounds for Garden dismissal?" Zell replied. Seifer thought about this, then replied, "That sounds like something a CHICKEN-WUSS would say..."   
"I am not a Chicken-Wuss!" Zell screamed.  
" I don't think the guy is...yet. May not be manly enough for The Game, but..." Squall said.  
"What Game?" Zell asked.  
"You know, The Game! You've been going to these free concerts and don't play it?" Seifer asked.  
"Well, what is it?"  
"Basically, the rules:  
We frequently go to these concerts. As you may have noticed, there are frequently 'girls' at these shows." Seifer said sarcastically.  
"For those of you who aren't sure, a 'girl' is a person who doesn't have a penis. Your mother is an example of a 'girl,' albeit a little older." Squall reiterated.  
"And what about this stuff ?" Zell asked.  
"Basically, we try to 'have sex' with as many as possible. The rules are as follows:  
5 points if you get some nany during or immediately after the show, 10 points if you 'initiate' the girl during said act, 20 points for every time she calls until she gets the hint that you aren't interested." Seifer explained.  
"Ah, I see. I bet that I'll get more points than both of you," Zell replied.  
"Yeah. If you can do so, I'll fix it so you get,um, free hot dogs for life! Yeah, that's the ticket!" Seifer replied.  
"You'll see, man!" Zell headed towards the train station. Squall and Seifer headed into a sidebar.  
"Um, dude, do you think this is wise?" Squall asked.  
"Hot dogs? You'd have a better chance of getting a Playstation 2 than getting a hot dog at Balamb Garden. Plus, Quist will be paying, so..." 


	2. Default Chapter Title

  
  
The three headed over to the train station. "Getting on, fellows?" the conductor said.  
"Of course we are. Why would we go to the train station except for that?" Seifer asked.  
"2 a.m. Fight Clubs?" Zell replied.  
"Well, that, but we want on a train!"Seifer said.  
"Okay. 3000 gil..." Seifer showed the card. "Follow me..." The three entered a holding area for SeeDs. A girl came up to them. "Are you people heading where I am?" she asked.  
"Um, where are you going?" Squall asked.  
"You know. Studying for the Trabia place. Taking trains all around to just see the world. Cool, huh?"the girl asked.  
"Yes, that is. Would you like to come with me to...talk about this?" Zell asked.   
"Of course! Let's go!" the girl replied.  
"Hold up. I am...quite interested in hitting, er, HEARING your idea. I will...talk as well!" Squall replied.  
"You will have to...talk after me, man. I have called to be the first to...discuss, and I don't like 'roundtable discussions' with other dudes..." Zell replied. Seifer swiped the card and let Zell and the girl in. There was silence for a little bit. Eventually, a loud "BOOYAKA!!!!" was heard. Zell walked out.  
"5 points, my brothers! You're up, Squall. Do you want on it, Seifer?" Zell asked.  
"Lord no! Sloppy seconds is one thing, but Terrible Thirds? Hell no!" Suddenly, another "BOOYAKA!" was heard, and Squall walked out.  
"Tie score, huh?" Zell asked.  
"Not exactly. 7.5-5, man." Squall replied.  
"WHAT?"   
"Well, she wasn't a virgin in your area, so you only got five. I walked the walk where angels fear to tread, a place where almost all teenaged girls will be virgins in. Due to our checks, it's not worth 10, but the fact that you're playing Columbus does make it worth 7.5. Plus, she's not a Velvet girl, so it'd be a tad tighter than the beaten path." Squall looked to Seifer for his decision.  
"You need to make some ground up, Chicken-Wuss," Seifer replied.  
"DAMMIT! Well, should I go back in?" Zell asked.  
"Lord no. No points for re-deux. If you do it too much, before you know it, you're in a relationship." Squall replied.  
"Well, should we get her name?" Zell asked.  
"LORD NO! That makes it...personal. Besides, what are the chances we'll ever see her again?"   
  
"Announcing the train to Timber has come, I repeat, the train to Timber will be arriving. Welcome."   
  
The three got off at the Timber station.  
"Well, we're here." Zell said.  
"But it's at Galbadia, right?"  
"Nope. Timber's the closest train station we can get to. Gotta hoof or rent cars." Zell replied.  
"Hold up. We can get through another way..." Seifer replied.  
"How?" Zell asked.  
"Little known loophole in this car rental company. You have to pay when it's brought back to that dealer. Most people do it normally, but it is possible for some huge deals." Seifer replied.  
"Are you saying...steal a rental car?" Zell asked.  
"Lord no! We just rent it once, park it a little outside of town, and just buy enough gas to last us for the summer. Complete use for very little gil."   
Zell looked nervous.  
"Like you said, stealing."  
"Okay! Stealing it! Are you going to play with the big boys, or are you going to go all Chicken-Wuss on us?" Seifer asked.  
"DOES THIS LOOK LIKE WHAT A CHICKEN WUSS WOULD DO?" Zell went over to rent the car. "We would like your coolest vehicle."   
The dealer looked angry. "Let me guess. Another punk kid who thinks we follow the 'Pay-When-You-Return' program, right?"  
"Let's review. You ARE following the program, or I'm going to have a LOT of fun..." Zell replied.  
"Are you trying to threaten me?" the dealer asked. Zell proceeded to beat up the dealer.  
"Lord no. Threat implies that it wouldn't happen. We'll pay when we're done with it."  
  
The three quickly picked out the nicest of the cars and jumped in.   
"EXCELLENT CHOICE, C.W.! This car is just Guaranteed to get us at least 25 points per!" Squall yelled.  
"Just drive, man. Otherwise, some really large men would be, as you called it, 'going Columbus' on us..." Zell replied. Squall quickly stepped on the gas and headed toward the Garden.  
"We'll need to cut through the forests. Just jettison the car for right now and we'll pick it up later." Seifer replied. Seifer and Squall picked up their gunblades and cut through the forests. Quickly, they were out of them and in sight of Galbadia Garden.  
  
"Okay, now for the final piece of the puzzle. Do you have your magic powder?" Seifer asked.  
"Of course, man. Refined, ready, and I can rock." Squall replied.  
"Excellent."  
"What's this about magic powder?" Zell asked. Seifer looked annoyed.  
"You know! You spend most of your time in either the cafeteria or the training center! You should have gotten at least thousands of it from those Grats!" Seifer yelled.   
"Are you talking Sleep powder? Of course I have that. What's it for?" Zell asked.  
"We refine a little bit into magic until we have Sleep attack at more than 100%. Then, if we want to get some but the girl doesn't want to give it up, we just act like jerks until they slap us in the face." Seifer replied.  
"But why that?" Zell asked.  
"Because it's not gentlemanly to slap them until they slap us," Seifer replied. "Once they do, we slap them lightly enough to not harm them and still cause them to sleep. Then, we strike."  
"Let me get this straight. It's not gentlemanly to slap them first, but it IS to knock them out and have sex with them against their will?" Zell asked.   
"Come on! That's a fricking necessity sometimes! Hell, if it wasn't for the rape Squall would NEVER get laid!"  
"Hey, I've never needed to use that stuff, man. You're the only person who does that stuff, man." Squall looked slightly angry.  
"Okay. But the main point is, you should head in toward this. I mean, what woman would consent to giving it up to a Chicken wuss like you?" Seifer asked.  
"Well, okay." Zell proceeded to refine some sleep powder and junction it to his attack.  
  
After this, the three quickly ran to the Garden. The opening act was ready to start out.  
"We made it just in time!" Zell yelled out.   
"Okay. Now, the main thing here is to split up. I'll cruise the left side, Seifer will take the right, you just look through..." Squall saw Zell chatting up someone, get into a slap fight, and start. "...the crowd."   
"Looks like C.W. just drew first blood, man." Seifer replied.  
"I know. I'm going to have to go through. Remember the way?" Squall replied.  
"Hell yeah." Seifer quickly went toward the right side of the crowd. He looked through the people. " Ho, Punk chick, Taken..." His eyes glanced on an attractive young brunette hanging out with her friends. "...JACKPOT! Okay, remember the rules of concert-going..." He proceeded to dance through. As he had figured, people just got out of his way until he reached his destination. "Cool concert, huh?" he asked.  
"Yeah. These guys are a definite improvement from the stuff they play at my house," the girl replied.  
"Ah. What would that stuff be?" Seifer asked.  
"My mother always plays her own stuff, bands she wants to tour with, that stuff. Personally, I always want to give her the advice to stop with that disco-Celine Dion stuff she's been trying to use." the girl said.  
"That sucks." Seifer said.  
"I know. Hence, the good music..."  
"Name's...um, Seifer."  
"Hi, um Seifer. Name's Rinoa." the girl replied.  
"Listen, do you want to go someplace...more quiet?" Seifer asked.  
"Yeah. Get to actually talk."  
  
The two went over to an empty dormitory. After a while, Seifer entered the hallway, where he met up with Squall.  
"Where's the protege?" Seifer asked.  
"I honestly don't believe it. He's racked up at least 25 points today, not counting the 5 on the train!" Squall replied.   
"Damn. Listen, I've fished a hottie into near-submission. Do you have the dealbreaker?" Seifer asked.  
"Of course. Never leave Garden without them..." Squall proceeded to hand Seifer an Alka-Seltzer. Seifer took it and went back into the dormitory.   
"What was that about?" Rinoa asked.  
"You know. Just talking to one of my buddies. I should introduce you to him sometime. You'd like him. Listen. We know so much about each other right now, don't you think we should get a little Biblical?" Seifer flashed a smile.  
"Well, I'm not sure..." Rinoa replied. Seifer looked a little calm. "Well, okay. If you're not completely certain, I won't force you. I'll call you when I get back to my place." Seifer started to leave the room when he heard Rinoa start to talk, "Eh, what the hell? The show's over... now let's rock." 


End file.
